So recently I’ve found myself mulling over whether or not an action that has groundings (but is not entirely grounded) in self-interest can ever be considered to be an altruistic one. I mean, there are the obvious cases where someone performs an action which benefits others whilst still gaining something physically or monetarily for themselves, but I was thinking more along the lines of benefiting on a more spiritual level.
The particular scenarios I’ve been thinking of (because they concern me personally and have led me to question my own morals) are when you go out of your way to help a friend, and part of your reasoning for doing so is because it makes you feel good about yourself. I’m talking about that warm, fuzzy flood of emotion that you get when someone turns to you and says “You really helped me”, or “I don’t know what I would’ve done without you” or even just “Thanks” with a particularly meaningful inflection. If that response is a thrill that you seek then does that not completely negate the otherwise altruistic nature of whatever it is you might have done? In benefiting in that way is some sense of sincerity or selflessness lost?
What if, in a more extreme scenario, you find yourself going out of your way to become friends with an individual because you recognise that they need help and you want to be the person to help them? Again, in a bizarre roundabout way, I feel that something is then lost. The friendship may continue healthily and not be reliant on that initial imposed dependence but I fear that it continues to remain tainted by the skewed intentions which initially helped forge it. And frankly I feel like a bit of a cunt about the whole thing.
So I’ve been wondering if it’s possible to get away from all of that, and asking myself if altruism is as cut and dry as all that. Basically, I think (and hope) that there are degrees of altruism. An action which benefits the actor can still be altruistic if the positive personnel outcome was not sought or intended. If there is no positive outcome then there is even less doubt about this fact. However, I feel that people generally do “The Right Thing” because their moral compass tells them what the morally good course to take would be, and people interested in performing good will be inclined to then take that route. Even this is grounded in some need to fulfill a goal, that goal being to perform good. A somewhat less selfish case, but you can still argue that some need is being fulfilled here. I think that this is about as close as you can expect to get to true altruism, except in truly special cases.
The next general step that takes us towards selfishness is the spiritual gain, and there are degrees of this as well, from relishing in the warm fuzzy feeling you get to expecting some sort of emotional repayment, often in the form of helping you with your problems, . But I feel that you should be able to (or attempt to) draw a line somewhere along the road and say “Up until this point, all actions taken can be considered to have a sufficient degree or altruism/lack of narcissism”.
I’ve been feeling incredibly selfish and pretty ridiculously guilty about the unspoken pretenses I have set upon forging a new or stronger friendship. When I tell someone “If you need to talk about what’s going on, I can be here for you”, I do mean it, but I want them to use me in that way. And frankly I’m ashamed to admit that I’ve been disappointed at times by the lack of gratification shown by this extension. If that isn’t evidence enough of my need for self validation then I’m not too sure what is. And that really frustrates me ’cause I feel like it’s subsequently invalidated a lot of the apparent good I’ve tried to do in my life. It’s a pretty big slap in the face when you realise that you’re actually a selfish twat, trapped in stroking their own sense of worth.
So I’m not really sure what to do about it at this stage. Part of me wants to try to continue doing what I’m doing because I fear that if I stopped caring about the good feeling then I’d stop ever trying to be a nice guy and just turn into an even more self involved prick. At the same time I don’t want to be that sort of person, the person who feeds on the unhappiness of others, whether or not it’s ultimately beneficial to both parties.
Perhaps somewhere down the road I’ll be able to say that I act without the boundaries of my own wants, but I feel like I have an incredibly long way to go until I reach that point. In the meantime, I apologise to the people who I have treated this way. You deserve more than a moron who can’t see past his own needs.
Craig "Nancy" McAuley 